_


There is a story that roams my family archives
   my first response to being asked
     what I want to ‘be’ when I grow up.
        I would like to honour the wisdom
      of that 3 year old
    who I believe knew her life purpose
  in aspiring to embody the Divine Mother.

 


Standing in the position of budding elder
  I look at the altar of my life,
    through all the ceremonies I’ve lived
      and I come home to this
        long held wisdom,
          precious teachings of our first peoples
            bestowing highest honour
              on the Grandmother of us all,
              this divine feminine aspect of the Universe
              this hub of our existence
                        our well-being 
                      our healing
                   our relationship to the sacred
                our capacity to self-love.

              If I am to grow up finally
              to claim my Universal self knowing,
              I believe it to be high time
              to declare a truce
              with my masculinity,
           that which exhausts itself trying to prove
         its worthiness again and again over lifetimes.

      I am ready to make pilgrimage to the very heart
        of my sacred feminine.
           In deep reverence
             for her eternal beauty,
               I will bow before her wisdom
                                              her rhythms
                                              her balancing
                                              her great intuition
                 preparing the temple of my physical, emotional,
                     mental wellbeing,
                       aligning my spirit
                         to honour the fullness of her presence.
                           I will surrender the core of my identity,
                             all the roles I’ve ever assumed
                               over these many lives,
                                 to open my heart centre.
                               All that I have held against myself
                             I will release into the waters of rebirth,
                           the purification of self-forgiveness.

                       When I emerge from that ceremony,
                      I will be one with the most tender
                       and the most fierce,
                         this Mother self
                           who knows her own self-care
                             is indispensable to the whole,
                               one with this sister self
                                 who knows Gaia’s self-care
                                   is impossible to separate
                                      from my own,
                                     one with this spider nature
                                   that can sit at the hub
                                 of  a web of relations
                               knowing my beloveds will come
                             to visit my heartfield
                           anchoring  the rich self-wisdom
                         they already have,
                       remembering the Love their souls are made of.

                   When I am one with this sacred feminine,
                 I will occupy the centre of my temple
               and all who approach me
             with respect, and honour
               this sanctuary of my heart
                 will know peace with their own
                   deep feminine nature.
                 
                    When I grow into my full potential
                      as a Universal self
                        perhaps I will call myself
                          a planetary love activist then
                            joining my sisters and brothers
                              as we rediscover together
                                the ancient lovemaking
                                 our kitchens can hallow,
                              remembering  the ancient ways,
                            how we grow food, gather, harvest
                          and prepare it with gratitude for all our relations,
                        how we touch food,
                      touch one another and all of life with
                      reverence for the sacred,
                        laying offerings before
                          our divine mother selves
                            and the altars of our hearts.

[For all my mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, wives and daughters, my fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers, husbands and sons … all my soul friends. May we come home to our true nature and embody this wisdom!]       

_ How can I love Gaia and not cherish
  every cell of our wellbeing?
    I am holding the divine riddle
      our first peoples 
        and sacred texts
         make reference to,
        of a marriage to come
       between heaven and earth.

     Is humanity the stand-in
   for an absent  father-god
 or are we the ceremony itself,
 the sacred meeting ground
  where heaven and earth
   are joined,
     universal spirit
       and earth body.

       When my heart opens
        I can feel the lovemaking
          within my being,
             my hands reach for her leaves,
               her bark, her blossoms and beautiful fruit.
              I feel warm currents of energy
            pulsing through my being
          Gaia cradles me in the curve of a tree
        laps against and cools my feet,
      drops playfully dangling from her spider’s web,
       plays with the wind before me,
        bringing forth laughter, delight, tears of recognition.
         My feet sink gently into the soft tissues
           of her riverbed
             flooding my being
               with exquisite waves of pure joy,
                  simple rhythms fill my drum
                    as I find her sacred heartbeat
                      now mine.
      
                    I find myself wondering
                  if I’ve gone mad with the mystics
                Surely I am but one soul being
                experiencing an embodiment of
                  the Creator’s love for Earth
                   magnifying itself
                     in the dna of my cells
                       exploding nebulas
                         in my heart.

_
The other day as I was blogging
  a word came to me
     to describe
     my 3 spider teachers as
     illuminati

  It felt right
   and yet I discovered a potential
    to draw controversy
      and made the choice to substitute
         another word in.

        

It isn’t the first time since I began
  this process of blogging
    that I catch myself
holding back
    something of my creative expression,
       censoring self,
         sacrificing my intuitive,
 out of a concern that the deeper
    meanings
       or wisdom
       might get lost.

I appreciate in these shifting times on Earth
  that self-discernment is
    a precious practice,
      so much is being revealed
        to each of us and all of us
          that our conscious being is trying
            to absorb
                 anchor in
                 shift toward
        this expanding sense of Self.

It is natural to contract in this rhythm
  my Universal self reminds me,
    even feeling this contraction
      intensely
        in the Light of alternating waves
          of expansion,
        in all that this evolution
          in consciousness
             embodies.

              Sometimes the creative energy
             and awarenesses come so fast and full
            I experience
             a ‘bottlenecking’
               pressure that builds like steam
                 in a volcanic vent,
                and I’m unable to translate into words
              this depth of understanding
            I am so present to what is unfolding.
         “Receiving” is the best word
        I can offer up
      for this experience of
        the grace and the power
           of this Co-creative flow
            in forming
            in forming               
            in forming

    For me to evolve
    I need
   a balance,
 one that opens  fully to the Grace in forming me
and invites
self-honest expression,
  the possibility
    of writing into the
      deeply personal,
        my multidimensional
      multi-incarnational being,
    this universality
  that honours
   soul essence in absolutely everything.

_   I joined an unexpected
evolutionary circle
with
three sisters of the
  web of relations,
    the three magi of
      my balcony this summer,
        taking up the place of
          dharma teachers,
           these spider women
                    whose
             ancient symbol
       is being spun daily between
           one or another
     rose, basil, wildflower
   or renegade tomato plant,
   chair arms or balcony railing.

 I move around them
in awe
as these weavers of silk
 offer me
  their teachings daily.
  Witnessing their synchronized
    meditations,
      I follow their lead.

       How long can I sit at the centre of my Being
         breathing in and out,
           slowing everything down,
            allowing ascending and descending
             flow of energy,
                        breath,
                        light
               to move through my
              whole body being,
             allowing for no linear thought,
            no thought of accomplishing anything
           just to be here
         within the stillness?

      How devoted my sisters are to
        staying in the centre of
          this hub,
            even when something
              disengages a central thread
               or half the web is blown back upon itself.
      This teacher holds steady
                to her practice of being
                 in the centre of her web.
             
I witness the regathering of the web
  as the teacher dismantles
    her very design,
      with no attachment to its perfection,
        as she sits with nothing
        other than her primary
          guideline,
        as if she were always in the centre
       of her orb,
     her sphere,
   even when it is not visibly present.
 By the light of the moon
the sisters weave
this circular pattern
  in this nearly 300 million year old
    matrilineal tradition
      tending to its form,
        occupying its centre.

This wisdom spinning
   of the sacred feminine
      illuminating rhythms
        of all of Creation,
          as old as time itself,
            unhurried,
              ever recreating.
                On the morning of the full moon
               I arise to find the three magi
             in unison have each
          respun their webs
        in fine, exquisite lines of symmetry.

      As they sit in the centre of their temples,
    I enter my meditation space
   pondering
  the miraculous appearance and alignment
   of my own moon cycle
    with grandmother moon.
      Can it be the whole purpose of this meditation
        is to synchronize?

          A light breeze moves in,
             the webs stretch,
                I feel as if we can hold Egypt
                   and all the places of tension in this planetary web,
                     absorbing with each breath
                     of our bodies,
                   my air breathing sisters and I,
                 in this intimate meditation
                of holding the centre,
              with webs of relating
             we rebuild daily
              with flexible new strands of love.

_ In this magnetic field
where the sociologist and the shaman meet
where masculine and feminine,
north and south poles,
arts and science
dance
in a dance
of complementary opposites,
the Christ light in Jesus and the Christ light in Mary the Magdalene
telling one another’s story
in the One conversation
now unfolding
on earth
Christ nature and Buddha mind
Self illumination and service to the whole
are joining
are joining
are joining

_ It’s kind of an oxymoron to say
  I’m settling into
    the rhythms of this birthing,
   these alternating
    expansions and contractions,
  As long as I don’t focus on endpoints,
I can breathe into this metamorphosis.

Every day a new day,
Effortlessness might be my closest ally,
  I just can’t hold onto this grace
   I remind myself daily
     the masters I do share company with
        are forever gifting me
           with the nugget
              “nobody knows”
                 not even the All-knowing.           
                 
                 There is a current of mystery
               and improvisation
             built into this game
           that seems to uproot  anything
         planted with permanence in mind
       I can plant with hope
    and Imaginate,
  holding any newly forming assumptions
lightly…

Trusting the impulse 
  to evolve
   that rises in me
     like being on a ride
       in a multidimensional theme park
         with surprises at every turn.
           This self that I am is being transformed.

_       Part One: Water nature

Mindfully walking to the bus stop,
  I am taking in the welcome sounds
     and sightings of
      water fountains
      birdbaths large and small
      sprinklers
noticing newly planted beds,
     animated wildflowers
      boulevard wrap arounds,
      the hues of these flower blossoms
      professing the care
    with which they are being tended,
   soul-uplifting signs of attention to Nature
quietly evolving in the neighbourhood.

While I understand the enthusiasm
   for many days of sunshine this summer,
  my awareness of the rising heat levels
   planetarily
have my eyes and heart focussed
   on water.

My eyes trace cloud formations this morning,
  moving into the centre
      of a mysterious configuration of cloud
         stirring above my head,
           feeling gratitude for this presence.
        Seeing clear skies to the south and west over the ocean,
      I find in my heart a living prayer for rain.
   Seagulls dance with pockets of air current,
as if teasing this possibility forward
  that we could call
    in the rain together.

Less than an hour passes when
  swimming toward the deep end of the pool
    where I do my favorite water ritual,
       the unmistakable sweet smell of rain
          drifts in and my heart soars.
        Walking past the cluster of Long and Short Quill pines,
     the maple and sister trees, the yellow grasses of the park  
   every leaf, needle and blade seem to sparkle
 holding hands with the raindrops
  joining a chorus of sky appreciation that rumbles its affirmation.

_ Part Two: Waiting for the mud to settle

Human nature,
  by far the most curious feature
    of the kinship of Life,
least likely to see
   our own character
     reflected
     in the earth around us,
     in all our relations.

Breathtaking to behold,
  our species can be
    in moments of
  spontaneity.

Today I celebrate another delightful adventure
  weaving its way
    from a transformer
      surprised by a jolt of mysterious lightening
        that brings out all the white jackets
          from the meat and deli departments of the local grocer.
          Like a hive just emptied,
        the air is electric
      with spontaneous  buzz and laughter,
     those on till are out front chatting with would be customers
    in conversations
  of the unexpected.

 Powered down to one operating till,
the store manager opts to conserve the remaining power,
 human and electric,
   this Tao of waiting for the mud to settle,
    sustainability in motion.

     My path north brings a favorite new bus driver,
       whose philosophy of work is a tribute to sanity and love.
         A master of the Tao, his “self-care first and the rest will flow…”
           practice
             is evolution in motion.         

           My return journey
             brings the joy of a spontaneous conversation
               initiated by a woman willing
                 to claim her love of joining 5 year olds
                on waterslides
              and 4 stops worth of sharing
            the magic of strangers becoming familiar
          in the company of all our listening relations.

Part Three: Musing on the expansion of consciousness

Dusk is falling over the water,
  a pair of resident bats
    swoop upriver
      as if racing
        for the indentation
          on the other side of the South Fraser workyard.
            As they come dipping in
          to circle round,
        we catch each other by surprise.
      From my perch on the big rock I am marvelling
    at how they can adjust their flight path
  in a matter of seconds.

I look with admiration at this embodied capacity
 and muse
   on what it would be like
     to be communicating consciously
       with every species,
          extending our sensory range
         and truly sharing our existence
      with all the diversity
    of talents
      the whole Earth species embody.

       What climate could we co-create
          joining our divine nature intelligence
           in partnership with the rest of Nature?

_
There’s a double rainbow over Berlin tonight
   my colleague and friend
      is sharing with our
         weekly evolutionary circle
            the skyscape from her balcony

We are sharing the view
    as if we are all there…

       even though its early afternoon in
       North Rose, Lake Katrine and Washington DC,
       mid-morning in Hawaii,
       midday in Vancouver and Quesnel,
       even though there are open skies in Huntingdon in the UK
       and  Warszawa, Poland,
       and it’s a winter’s eve in Randburg, South Africa.

There is something about evolution,
    that a circle consciously engaging
       can co-create with,
           this shared expansive Universe,
               big enough to hold our diversity,
             intimate enough to nurture
          profound heart connections,
       resonant  enough to allow
    each person’s heart song to sound,
  like the perfect contribution
   within the whole.

What do we share but our humble
   perspective of the divine expressing
      through us,
        as gratitude for Life itself,
           as deep interconnectivity with Nature
              our struggling humanity,
            as self-judgement breaking free of itself,
           as Longing for more.

       We are humanity in the act
     of forgiving ourselves
   for simply being born
to forget
   the beauty we are,
     the Great Source
   we are emanating from.

It’s not that the challenges to our planetary survival
    vanish
    when we come together
  It’s as if we peer through them
  together,
  glimpsing patterns,
     new questions and possibilities,
        some mysterious underlying design
           encoded in the fabric  
     of our Lives on this Earth,
       joining us all
         in the heart,
  like a hush that falls
      where words no longer
            are able
                 to go.

_