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i want to say that i am getting less afraid

7/13/2014

1 Comment

 
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One word following another
   like hope hungry to be reclaimed
     I have been on this journey
       stepping away from things
       that make sense
       in a life-is-ordinary way
only to realize that what I do find
  extraordinarily beautiful
     is ordinary
        and extraordinary
           at the same time.

 

I don’t yet feel like I’ve got the hang
  of living within the paradoxes.
    I can adore Rumi’s wisdom,
       following him out into the concept
          of living in a world beyond
             right and wrong.

   Just this week I reread a chapter
    of Pema Chodron’s timeless wisdom,
      something that gave me solace
         a decade ago,
           only this time I experienced
               something new.
 I felt cornered.

As if I couldn’t dance with two complimentary
  Ways of seeing Life,
    my shadow came out defensively
       in life and death mode
          as if my belief in the wholeness of all
             was under attack.

These past 9 months I’ve wondered
  when this creative block in my writing
     might recede,
       unable to express any longer
          this evolutionary gestation process
             in words.

Sometimes the creativity came through
   in collage  or a draw to go deeper
      with co-creative gardening
        and then this Cavern
            invited me in.

   The pain I saw outside me
       came inside
           and became this huge cavern,
              one that kept expanding
       with a dark kind of spaciousnesss,
    the shadows of lifetimes
passing before me.
My fear of the Unknown
   came on in waves
      as the dimensions of this
        cavern appear to be boundless.

I want to say
  that I am getting less afraid
     of looking at darkness
       of seeing only a few feet in front of me
       at a time,
    even recognizing the more time I spend
  in this cavern
    this fathomless feeling
      of depth
        like an ocean
      with no ocean floor,
    is slowly taking on the sense
  that this climbing inside my Self
may lead me all the way ‘home’
to the peace
 in the Mind of the Creator/Creative Matrix
   of All that Is.

   That’s what I want to say,
    as everything that made sense cracks,
      opening 
        a senseless beyond
      where I feel what I don’t yet see,
         and trust
       what I don’t have any archival proof to validate.

    I want to say I’m becoming
  less bewildered,
 slowly recognizing this Awareness
doing the writing,
  that keeps on expanding
    and losing ‘my’ mind with it,
      is connected to a Me that is morphing
        into a multiincarnational identity.

Like Dorothy in the land of Oz,
  these strange and beautiful inner companions
    can interact in puzzling ways.
      It can feel as if I have completely lost my balance,
        as one of them melts down,
           these shadow selves in me,
            that tears can transform in waves
           of tender compassion
         as I see a childlike innocence shatter
       and patterns that emerge over a lifetime. 

       How can I explain these shadows I’m coming to treasure,
         to cradle the pain they express
           while feeling utterly helpless to change the source
             of it.
                Precious pain
                 that sweeps the mistakes
               of lifetimes
             into a much larger dustpan,
          illuminating lessons and a Continuity
        that moves beyond death.
     In this cavern where I discover my Self
       as an uninterrupted web of Being.

I emerge from the depths
   and I confess 
      that I return again and again.
      Despite the discomfort of finding more shadow material,
     my passion is to get used to
    the feeling
     of moving in fathomless, uncharted space,
       adjusting my breath
         to this atmosphere of the Unknown,
           it’s liberation potential. 

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    a quantum turtle

    Author

    Lynda is a healer who works energetically with inner and outer landscapes... continued...

    Posts

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    • Being In The One Conversation
    • For The Purposes Of This Game
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    • I Am Becoming New To Myself
    I Want To Say That I Am Getting Less Afraid
    • Let Your Earth Body Be Soft
    • Moving To The Still Centre Of Co-creation
    • My Abundant Evolutionary Nature
    • Nothing Can Separate Us From The Love Of The Creator
    • On Transitioning As A Universal Human
    • The Elder I Aspire To Be
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    • The Kiterunner And Kite Becoming One
    *The More I Desire To Create A Bridge
    • There's A Double Rainbow Over Berlin Tonight
    • The Sacred Meeting Ground
    • This Dance Of Evolutionary Awareness That Brings Me To Your Doorstep
    • This Evolutionary Homework
    • This Longing So Deep Within Our Dna
    • Universal Self Love
    • We Are All Expressions Of Divine Intention
    • What Are You Holding Back Your Love From?
    • When I Call This Game Of Life On Earth Beautiful
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